Salted Words Podcast - Coming to the table with Bold Grace & Salty Truth going live with Real People & Real Stories @lisamomosunshine Tells her testimony of growing up in a church/ abusive home and how that playedout
Posted by Robin Saylor on
Hello again. We're going to get this podcast through. Every time we have issues, which I know you guys have heard me say this before, it's like the devil
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doesn't want anyone to hear this, so it must be good.
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Hello guys.
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See, there's nothing we can as you get from dealing with geriatrics right there. Here I am.
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Hey, it's um I'm just as geriatric. She is like techie of tech.
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I don't think there's anyone that can keep up with this technical world because even though like I feel like I learn something new every single day.
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I I feel like I feel less smart every single day. So there's that.
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Technology has a way of doing that to us.
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Yeah. So how are you guys? What's your weather? Is it cold up? Y'all are in Michigan, right? Yeah. Where are you?
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Uh Texas. North Texas. Fort Worth. Oh wow. Yes.
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It's freezing here one day and then it's 80 here one day.
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It's going to be 90 odd today, but tonight it'll drop down into the 50s and tomorrow it'll be in the 60s. So we're
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like, "Okay, roller coaster time." So, but we have no tornadoes in the forecast tonight. So, that's a good thing.
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That is a blessing. That's that's a big thing to be thankful for. You get Are you in tornado rally or is it a lot where you are?
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Yeah. Yeah, we're right in the heart of it. Yeah. So, to tornado for us is sport.
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I don't think my family would survive.
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Her kids are so afraid of She was as a child, too. Oh, man. Well, I've seen them up close.
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It is terrifying, but it's a different kind of terrifying, you know, where you're just like, I cannot believe I
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can't believe that that they're so powerful and they're they can be so huge. But I grew up in West Texas where you really get to see them coming
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forever because it's just so it's flat for a bazillion miles and so you're like there it comes. I think it's moving this way and you watch it for for for a
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minute before you're like okay yeah it's definitely coming this way. But most people have a seller so out there not
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here. So we just have an inside. We have a tornado closet in our house but I use it for an addition to my pantry. So you can put about one person in it.
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That's what mine would be for too. So whoever gets there first. Yeah, exactly. And the red. That's funny.
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Well, I was So I'll tell the viewers I was just talking to Lisa on the phone
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and I just found out that uh Oh, that's right. I found out that you are also an author.
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I feel like I'm gonna have lots of surprises today.
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I I did author is a big word. I wrote down a memoir a few years ago after I ran away from home. Uh and it was right
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after I ran away from home that I became a believer people. And when I ran away from home, I had taken a journal. I have this fabulous journal that's like it's
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from the 1920s. So it's about this thick and about this big. And so I've been writing in it for years. And then I ran
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away from home in my 50s. And I took that journal with me and kind of wrote down everything that I was getting
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frustrated about. And and then after I got back, it was a few months later that I became a believer people. So I just
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kind of joined um kind of the the two stories of running away from home and falling in
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love with the triplets. So, so yeah, I run.
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What does it What does it mean for a 51-year-old to run away from home? Just exactly what it sounds like. How long How long were you gone?
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I was only gone a week. But the best part was everyone that I would say to it was during Thanksgiving week and so
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people would be like if I would be a suspicious character no matter where I went. like it was clear I was by myself
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and uh somebody would inevitably say so you appear to be by yourself I am going
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to meet family for Thanksgiving no now I ran away from home and inevitably every single person male or female would say
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oh man I've always wanted to do that and so there yeah right so there's a longing
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in us to just say bite get out of dodge and see what's actually kind of going on or if we or actually probably see do I want to go home.
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And so it was a fascinating thing. I was not in a place to be fascinated by it. I was in a I was in a patch of really just
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like trying to take inventory. And you know what we do? We we kind of get into that rut of it wasn't one single thing
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that I was just like, "Oh my gosh, I'm done." It was just all of the cumulative and no place to put them
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and it didn't make sense for me to run away from home. Tank loves me.
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My home's kind of great. I got a lot of kids.
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I own my own company. But it was the it was just cumulative things that were creeping up on me. a lot to do with my
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own uh past. And so one final thing got said and I
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threw a very poorly packed bag into the jeep and kissed the tank and told him I would try
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to come back home. I was pretty reluctant to make the commitment, but drove away and so I should try it.
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I highly recommend it.
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It seems like, you know, I don't know if men do this, but I know women do it because I've talked to a lot
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of women in my life. It's like a fantasy. It's like an exhale of sorts.
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Like, is that would it seem like like a cleansing? A cleansing
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especially for or is that not what what it was for you? Well, I mean, right in the minute, I don't know that I would have called it a cleansing. I would have called it a and I when I left, I didn't
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have a plan, you know. Um, I'm about I don't know 10 hours from the
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end of South Texas. And and that was kind of how I made my decision. I was like, it's November. If I go north, I'll be cold. I don't do cold. No. If I go
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east, it's east Texas. A lot of trees. I don't do claustrophobia. No east. If I go south, I didn't bring a passport. No
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south. That left. So, I turned left and went west and accidentally
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um ended up realizing into it a couple of days. I was like, I'm kind of driving in the general direction of some towns that I grew up in.
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And I could feel this um unholy tug to go to them. and
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realizing at that point, okay, these are the things that I'm actually pissed off about. It's not it's not my current life. It's it's it's the all the steps
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it took me to get into into this moment that I'm starting to
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I'm starting to kind of bump into like ghosts in the night. And so, um I don't know that at that point it felt like a
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cleansing. It felt like I couldn't not go.
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And uh two of the towns were Luk, which is where Texas Tech is. It's a it's a reasonably sized town. And then
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Levelland is is another 30 or 40 miles west of there. Not a reasonably sized town. And I called I have two big
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brothers and one little. And I called my oldest brother and I was like, "Okay, I know our house had a onecar garage and I
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know we had a sidewalk down the middle and I know the street and I know it wasn't far from this particular elementary school because you went to
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that school." I said, "But I can't find I can't find the house." And so, um, of course, his question is, "What
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the hell are you doing?" You know, where are you and what's going on? You know, so I eventually found the house and it was the weather was perfect. It was very
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gloomy, misty, uh not cold, so you couldn't just appreciate the cold. Not warm, so you weren't warm. And I sat in
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front of that house a a number of hours
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and just kind of remembered fully as if I was 3 years
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old, four years old and replayed a lot of the things. No, not just that. My my
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father was um uh uh you know just an extreme level of of
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physical abuse. Also an elder in the church or or a deacon in the church. And so there was this dichotomy for as long
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as I can remember of we had phases in our lives where we were forced to go to church, but we came home and it was it
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was it was horrible. And so I would was replaying some of those moments, but I was also, you know, a a kid at the end
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of the street. His dad had built this wonderful spaceship in the backyard. And I was like, I wonder if that spaceship's still there. You know, this is 50 years
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later, right? And I'm wondering if the spaceship is still there. And I'm remembering our wagon. And then I would suddenly remember another moment that
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wasn't um that was much more jarring. So after a while, I was like, "Okay." And I sat for a while. I drove off and I sat
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for a while and I wrote down each one of those those things I was able to actually remember pretty
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clearly. And um I you know I don't I remember one day or
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or the next day I I I drove the to the next town kind of went to this through the same thing went to the houses that
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we lived in. It was Thanksgiving week and so uh the school was closed but there was a janitor and so I got home to
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let me in because I can be persuasive and uh and and then there was a pool at the country club that my father had had
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to tried to drown me in one time because he felt like I was too old to not know how to swim as well as the brothers and
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so he he just got mad and but the pool was empty because it was November.
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But it was that November empty that had dirty water at the bottom and a lawn
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chair thrown in. And so I got into that area. I'm sure it was
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legally. And walked down to that spot in the pool and just
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stood there. And so I spent those days uh doing that
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and I guess processing talking to myself.
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Um I would text Tank at night, let him know I'm okay. Um you would love Tank. Tank's a Midwestern guy. He's solid.
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He's the best. But I didn't want him to I didn't want to talk to him, but I didn't want him to worry. and I didn't
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want to talk to my friends and I think only one friend knew I had actually randomly gotten in my Jeep and driven
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away. So, but I do recommend it and that you need to do it by yourself.
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So, at the time you you said this is I think you said this is when you fell in love with the triplets.
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No. No. On that trip, all I did was realize how angry I knew I didn't like God. I'd not liked God since I was a
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kid. Um because he called himself a father. And I was like, "Man, that is the worst possible plan you could have invented. You are you are the almighty.
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I dig your flowers. I actually kind of like your son. I do not like you." Because of that plan where he used this
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word all the time, aba or father. I was just like, "No." And so on that trip, I really um
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realized it's held that I was super super mad at.
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And um but those were things I kept on the pages of that journal. Uh cuz in I live in the heart of the Bible belt. You
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don't go around saying I am so mad at God that I could throw punch him. Uh but when I got back for a long time, I'd had
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this customer u that does spin. His name is Brian. and his wife is Golden and they're a big
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customer, but they go to church. And so I would sometimes go to their church
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so that I could keep the customer because in this area church people give business to church people. And so I know
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super fly. And he had already figured out you are not a believer people. So he had all these people making a pray for
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me for three years. And he kept saying to me all this time, he would say, "Hey, you know, Golden and I each went on this
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event and though we've been, you know, elders in church and we've been church planted and for all the years, this thing changed our lives and you should
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go." And I'd be like, "Yeah, there's no way I'm going to a camp with a bunch of church ladies." But I didn't
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say that out loud cuz you know, business. And so when I got back, uh, I saw him
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at church a couple of weeks later and he says, "Hey, I signed you up and I paid for it." And I'm like, in my mind, I'm like, "Oh, I can I I'll get out of it.
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That's not till January. I got a month.
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I'll figure out how to get out. I didn't figure a way to to get out of it." And so I had to go to his church lady camp,
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Jesus jail, Kool-Aid camp. And um I I wasn't happy to go at all. I mean, they're all it's all there's 15 women.
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Everybody's a a believer people and they're they're looking for either a you know, a next or a a Hebrew level
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maturing moment or they're or they've got something that's that they just want to deal with. But they actually
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already have a relationship going with the heaven. I did not.
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But I'm kind of one of those people like, "Okay, you know, bring it." And so my plan was
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probably more along the lines of uh gathering evidence through that my
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view of heaven was more accurate than the church view.
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And um on day two of this thing,
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okay, some people call it fasting. And so you're out all day, you know, they give you a little manual and they're like, "Go and ask ask God, you know,
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where you're supposed to to go." And I'm like, I don't ask him anything. So I'm like, "Okay, peace." And early in the
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day that this manual gives you things to do. And the very first thing was salvation.
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And so I'm reading a a a an explanation of salvation that I've never heard before.
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And you would think I would go, "Oh my gosh, this this is real." Or or maybe this
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makes sense or I want to know more. No, now I'm even more angry. You let me go five decades and never made sure I knew
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this. That is so typical of you. That is exactly how you've operated with me all of my days.
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And I'm just so mad. And I'm dropping the bomb. I'm cussing. I'm swearing. I'm kicking dirt. I'm crying. And I'm
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sitting on the ground and I kind of look across. I look up and there stands a man in his overalls. And I'm like, "Fine. I
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know who you are." It's very clear it was God the Father. And um he's I said,
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"You have surely heard if you're the great if you're the great great wizard, you've heard everything I've said." And he's like, "I have." And I I just want
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you to bring it. Tell me everything because I can take it like a man. And I want I just an invitation to say all the things.
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And so I did. I just lit into him. And then I got exhausted.
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It took a long time because I had my history with my my father. Um I had all these brothers that had gone through the
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same thing. I had buried children. I had been divorced. I had been homeless. And
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I was just like I just tore into him about all of it. And he's still standing there.
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And so he said, "You agreed. I was done." And he goes, "Okay, nothing you've said,
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nothing you've said has made me love you less."
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And I was shocked. I was just like, you it was so believable
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that he loved me. And I just I I just fell in love. I just felt absolutely in love. and
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um it just changed everything. And that was pretty much how
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I spent that whole day. Now, that manual had a lot of things for you to do, right? And so when I got back that night
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to the ranch, um they invite you to kind of tell your story of the day. And
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I couldn't. I was just like too, I don't know. It was very quieting
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the whole the whole day. It just flattened me and delighted me and the wonder and the relief and
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and and then the business of how when you've never known how what it felt like to be loved
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like that, then just the whole unease of how do I how do I do that? How do I be loved? And so all these things are kind
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of racing through my mind and you know the the facilitator asked did you how was your day and I'm like
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pretty great. Do you want to say anything? Everybody's been telling stories from the day and I was like no
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it's all I had. No I don't. And so the next day they were like they meet with you kind of two people off of the team
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and and you um and so the one of the questions the very first question is because they're going to have this
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series of questions because there's going to be stuff all week long taking believer people to the next
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and so the first question when did you become a believer people and I'm like or
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I guess they say um when's your salvation story? I said, "Well, I think it was yesterday."
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And they didn't, you know, what do you what do you do
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with that? you know, somebody's in their 50s and and everybody else on this
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Kool-Aid Jesus jail trip is gonna explain that
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they were 17 at the worst, you know. And so they sang they sang to me.
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They saying, "Jesus loves me." It was all we could do because I couldn't do anything but cry.
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And so it just changed everything.
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So I'm now 66 and crazy about the holy triplets. And
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I now call him from that day that I met him on that ranch, I've called him Lord real dad. It's just the real dad. And
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Here I am.
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I may not make it through the whole podcast. I'm cry baby. I'm a terrible cry baby.
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So So I am I think that probably everyone watching, including myself.
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How how does one be loved?
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That's a great question. When I in my scrimmage marriage, take is not my first husband. I had a scrimmage marriage. Um
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was married to a kiltw wearing bagpipe, playing scotch whiskey, drinking Glaswegian from Scotland. And I moved to Scotland.
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And his dad, Josie Pie, um just as pagan as you could possibly get, you know, hardworking, heavy drinking.
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I saw him go to church when uh my son was born in Scotland. So Joe went to that christristening
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and he went to uh my niec's christings, but outside of that, you know, he wasn't like a a believer people man. And I was 21 when I met him.
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But Joe loved me to a startling level. And I loved being
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loved by Joe. And this is one of those things after I became a believer, people I started backtracking. All the places I thought he was absent or had abandoned
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me or was actually just mean, he began to kind of uncover the the backstory. And Joe was one of those. And
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so Joe was the first father figure in my life that was absolutely hands down
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unequivocally loved me. And I I got this this 12 years of practice in that marriage because
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this man loved me so much. I don't know that well, but he loved me so much.
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which got to be a problem because I was kind of the favorite, but he loved me.
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And so it was at that point spending time with Joe kind of started tearing down a little bit of that. Um
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when I feel like when I'm loved well by the Lord's real dad, I'm absolutely enjoyed. When I can't remember who I am, he'll I'm kind of visual, very visual.
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So I'll just say, "I don't remember.
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Can you just show me your favorite YouTube video of me and then I'll I'll
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I'll watch the video. But you know when somebody gets married and you're you're watching the bride, of course, and then you turn around to see the groom's face.
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When he shows me a video of me, I look for his face watching it. And that
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reminds me of his just, oh my gosh, she's mine face, you
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know, and there's something about it that's, you know, I'm well into my 60s at this point. And
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there is a thing that you just begin to you just know you're going to be all right.
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You're going to be all right. And when he when he looks at me that way or I watch him watching me that way, it's
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just this, okay, love is is that big. You're going to be all right. You're going to be all
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right. And and hey, I have I have something else for you. And hey, have I shown you this? And
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and hey, have you met this person? and and he he just does these these things um all the time where I'm 100% certain
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that the lady that works at 7-Eleven he sent her so that I had someone to say
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hey or someone to say hey I I don't know exactly how to answer your question I think knowing that I'm loved knowing is
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knowing that everywhere I go he already went there or he's already waiting there or he already made a way for that moment
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that's just going to be I'm going to get to find it fascinating because he he set it up to be
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fascinating. All I got to do is I just got to find it fascinating. I don't know if that I don't know if that explains that very well.
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I well I mean it sounds not the not the YouTube video but everything's going to
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be okay and that as long as I am trusting God life is infinitely
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infinitely more fabulous and fascinating.
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Uh I don't know that I I got to trust until the last couple of years and I knew I was loved in that very moment.
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So I don't for me it wasn't a link to trust. there's a link.
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Well, I I do think that like I've been thinking about this a lot like in our current environment that we live in, we're so there's so many things coming
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against us at all times that it's hard sometimes it's hard to believe that we are loved so loved by him and we're
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worthy of his love because this world is wicked. And if you don't grow up that way and you don't
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know and he's not shown you yet in a testimony or that's one reason why I
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absolutely love people's testimonies because there's no way you could make that up or someone could make their testimony up and so it shows you know
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how much you feel his love shows other people how much love he actually has to
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give to everyone. one of us, right? Yeah.
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Do you think do you think for you do you think it was the cliche
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your dad didn't treat you well so you equated that with God
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or was that something just completely separate?
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I think that's a I mean that's a kind of a universal parallel. Uh it wasn't just
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Raymond, my father. It was also uh my mother didn't protect her children. It was also the church was so rigid that you it wasn't safe to have told anyone.
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Um and so going to church was that was anything but a a safe place. Uh anyone
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in my schools growing up would have known my parents from church. So there wasn't it completely Christianity as in
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my mind and in my life completely kept me from being able to run to anybody for safety.
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So part of it was yes the typical uh that's a father he says he's a father
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I'm 86 in both but then there is the whole there's the whole perpetual uh
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territory that goes uh with all of the I I do think there's a lot of wicked wickedness in the world and sometimes I
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think wickedness is just the business of we kind of want everyone around us to be Okay.
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So that we don't actually have to check on them. We don't have to if you're okay. I love when I love that when um so
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when Jesus was about to leave town and he's gathered the dirty dozen and he says to them, I'm I'm fixing to leave.
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Rome is still going to be in control.
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We're not taking over. There's no cabinet members about to be appointed.
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But what is going to happen is someone way cooler than me is going to show up and he will he will bring his first
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order of business is is comfort. Jesus didn't describe the holding spirit as
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bringing supernatural power or or healing or revelation or prophetic. He just said first order. The only order of
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business he really addressed was to bring comfort. So, if I'm in a conversation with you and I'm like, "Yo, how are you?" And you say, "I'm I'm
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great." Then then the conversation ends right there and my life is easier and
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your life appears to be easier. But if you say, "You know what? This morning, Robbiey's kids, I could have just like
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throw punched all of them. I'm tired of my husband. I get I don't I don't want to keep this job. I don't none of my
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clothes." Right? and you go through the whole list of things that are annoying you, then
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I can bring comfort or a margarita, but I can bring something to the table. As long as my friends are okay, my life is
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easier. As long as my kids are okay, my life is easier. That
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blocks out the Holy Spirit is a form of wickedness. It's possibly a big form
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because we want things to be okay so that our lives are easier. Sometimes we want things to be okay because somebody's gone through something hard
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and we want them to have a a time of rest and a time of restoration.
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Sometimes we just want everything to be okay cuz we're maxed. And so that business of
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a dynamic where we're not telling each other the truth is is kind of dishonest which makes it
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which makes it technically biblically wickedness.
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Right? So our our our we tend to just go kids that have tough fathers have a hard
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time accepting the Lord real dad as a lord real dad. Aba is too big a word. I have friends that can call him papa. I
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have friends that call him daddy. And I have friends that struggle to call him God. I have friends that they don't want anything to do with him. Um, period.
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Kind of like I was.
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Some of it is linked directly to that spirit and some of it is direct is is linked to the to the whole picture that
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that comes with that in in a in the form of a church.
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That is very interesting. I have never heard this in my life and it's I think it's true
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being it it is you I I am very independent. I don't want to
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say I'm doing really bad. You know it's it's a hard thing to say.
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Right. Right. our our family suffered um 20 years ago. We suffered a loss so
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great that we probably won't I we we became a changed family. And it's
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interesting when you were saying that everyone around us
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wanted to comfort us in the moment but beyond the time frame that they deemed necessary to comfort us.
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Right.
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It was it was uncom it was a burden to them for us to not be what they wanted us to be anymore.
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Right. Well, I mean it's so interesting. Job's buddies. Jobes were good for a seven-day Shabbat and then they're like, "Yo, Job, shake it loose, buddy. Let's rock and roll." Right.
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You are so right.
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It's s that's such an interesting human dynamic. And to think that the Holy Spirit came to comfort, I've never
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thought of that either. We think of the Holy Ghost as the miracle worker, the parting the waters, the all of the
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fireworks, you know, the big deal, the big show, right? Yeah. And he came like a whisper.
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Yeah.
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Yeah. Very Beatles. I want to hold your hand. Right. Right.
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Yeah. And he'll sit he'll sit the he'll sit in that mess with us
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as long as we need it. I sat in that mess for five decades. I am 100% certain
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the holding spirit was there waiting.
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I kind of picture the holding spirit more of a mom. So sometimes I personify the Holy Spirit as a chica because of
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that that great nurture sign. Um and so I feel like there's there's times when
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we're like I do not know how I survived that.
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And one day on the other side of the paradise line I just think Holy Spirit's going to go hey let's replay the tape.
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See you ever you're sitting right there in that dirt.
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You remember one side of you was warm and one side of you wasn't. I was the warm side.
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You remember this was happening and you're homeless in London and you got a 5-year-old and you found a church of all
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things to sleep in at night because it was heated during the daytime. Yeah. I made sure you could hide under the pews with your son.
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That was that was actually that was made.
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Kind of cool, right? So, I I I I've learned to pay a little more attention
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uh to okay, something in here isn't of the natural. Something in here is
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quieter, whisper, worthy of me taking a breath and being fascinated by
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um and then it makes it easier if I ask somebody and I know their day sucks and I ask them, "You good?" And they say,
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"Oh, so good." And I can go, "Are you actually good?" Well, I'm not actually great. I'm not great, but I'm fine. I'm fine. That's the favorite word, right?
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Fine. Yeah.
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My preacher one time said, "Fine is the f word of the church." That was dead. I don't think he knew what he said, right?
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But because I've been there and I've gotten that stuck, I kind of have permission to go, I don't I don't think you're all that great. Just if you could
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tell somebody one thing that sucks with a jumbo straw, what would it be?
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Then as as their friend, I can go, "Yeah, that I don't have to say anything profound. Yeah, that's that's really
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horrible." Not why haven't you told anybody? Not turn it over to Jesus. Not I read a scripture about that. No, you're right.
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That's awful. And I will sit with you till you think of some more words. When
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Jac I have we have a collection of six kids.
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Jac um is my living child. So Jac is now like 39 38. I don't I don't think he's
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40, but he's somewhere up there. And when he was about seven, I ran to pick him up from school in between two jobs
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because I was working a lot. And um so he's sitting on this retainer wall. This is a second grade boy sitting on this
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retainer wall with a little boy pretty close but not shouldertoshoulder. And I'm like, you know, Macker, come on. I I got to get to my next job. You got to
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go, baby. And he turns around and he's like, "One minute, mom." So I'm like, you know, patience is not my spirit
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animal. And so I gave him like another minute and I'm like I I'm like I go get him. I said, "Me, I I'm going to be late for for my next job. I got to get you
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picked up and get you to the next place." And he goes I said he says turn.
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He says, "Okay, one minute." And he's not hard yet. And he's a little tender tender kid. And so I started walking off and I looked back and and he just kind
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of looks at this kid and says something that I couldn't hear because he wanted talking to this boy and but he finally says something and
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then he hops down and waves like a second grade boy would, you know, with a little chubby hand, you know, by and we
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got in the truck says, "Macker, what were y'all talking about?" He goes, "We weren't." I said, "Do you mind tell me what was going on there?" And he goes,
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"Well, just I just knew something wasn't right." I said, "What? Did he tell you what it was?" He goes, "Mom, people don't need words. They just need
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somebody to sit." He's right. It's true.
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We just need somebody to sit. And the Lord real Holy Spirit to sit. And because I think she has this huge nurture side. I know it's not biblical.
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this huge nurture side. You know yourselves how long you'll rock a baby
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cuz it doesn't know that baby does not know what's wrong. Okay, I can see what's wrong. You're going to be okay. I
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will hold you. But the baby is willing to cry and say something's not right.
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And then we lose that art of something's not right. We stop we stop paying attention to it
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and we learn to cope and we learn to be strong and we learn to whiten knuckle and you're a white knuckler them you're fierce to reckon with. You are you're
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fierce but maybe sometimes those around you
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can do with you going I I today I'm not I don't I don't even actually want to be
40 minutes
fierce. I don't want white knuckles. I don't want to I just I actually want to cuss and smoke a
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cigar and eat a taco and Yeah.
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Well, since um since our tragic event in our family, it was 20 years ago now. I
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that's actually when I started crying so much. And what was crying then was out
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of just utter grief now can be very cathartic can be very cleansing for me
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and I it's almost like I like to cry it makes me feel alive you know like oh I do have feelings there is there is
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somebody in there you know yeah yeah I think it's brilliant
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well I think that also like crying is such a sign of weakness that we it is something that we can't
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accept a lot, you know, like especially if you see someone else crying, you instantly get uncomfortable and then you're like, "Oh, well,
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right. Okay, we got to bring this to a halt." Yeah. Okay, just stop crying. We'll do anything else.
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I have mascara on. Yeah.
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And I, you know, I I am not in any way, shape, or form, you know, as they would say, I think people call it an empath,
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you know, where I can feel somebody else's feelings. Like I don't I don't live that out in the surface of things.
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But I think that there is so much beauty to behold that sometimes only tears can
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only tears qualify, you know. And some things are so sad that
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the love that you have for somebody else that tears are the only thing that there is, you know.
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Yeah.
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Yeah. And we kind of we almost hold our tears like uh some kind of self-protect and also
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like some kind of gold that that I'm not this isn't the time I want to give my gold away. Um, and and I I wonder if how
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big a crime that's going to show up on my own record, you know. Hey, remember that time that you wouldn't cry? Uh,
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which one out of 200,000, you know? Um, and so I I kind of I mean, I love love
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love being being afforded the the human race. I love that I'd got
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a chance to be in the Earth suit adventure and I didn't love it for the first five decades. I I really resented
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it and in the last you know 10 or 12 14 years it's been like the reality that um I'm sorry I'm getting 2,000 texts here.
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the reality that um there's not another created being that gets a shot at this.
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An archangel, a saraphim, a chairman, the third that jumped. They don't get a
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chance to be to do their 75.5 years, you know, in on the Earth suit run. And
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so they don't get a chance to ever do something as cool as a forgive.
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They don't get to do a they don't get to do a grieve. We think it's a terrible thing to have to grieve. An angel is going, "No, no, give me a minute. I I
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would love to do a grieve. I would love to get to do a a forgive." And we're like we're like, "Oh crap. I gotta gotta
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go and forgive him because that's what the Bible says, you know, and there's beings in heaven going I don't I don't I don't get to do that.
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And then we try to brush ourselves into into the next, right? You know, like like you know, my mother lived at our
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house for for the last five years of her life and she said just about every single day, you know, come Jesus, come.
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I just I just want to go to heaven. Why do you think he's not taking me? And it didn't matter how many times I kind of said, "Do you think there's something?
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Do you have some something that you should say to the brothers uh before you go? Do you have something
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that you need to consider with heaven before you go? Is there something that you would have We asked her when she
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moved over here. Is there because I'm a big traveler. Tank's a big traveler. My mother didn't travel." And I was like, "Is there any place you thought you
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you'd kind of like to really really go?" and uh in your whole life. And she said, "Well, I I'll think about that." And
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then she finally came back and told me, I guess it was her 87th birthday. She had always wanted to go to New York
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City. So, we took her on a trip to New York City. It was it was hard because she wasn't walking as well as she used
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to and and um but she just that was a that was a thing that she wanted to do.
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So when she started saying just go I've always from the minute I became a a saved person I've wanted to go to heaven
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and and that made me sad because once you go onto the other side of the paradise line the forever lasts forever.
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It's the old ways but this kick at the ball has a has a time constraint and I never get to do this again. And part of
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the bargain of being here is being all the way alive. When something is sad, we say, "Oh, that's sad." When something is funny, we put LOL,
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but we don't laugh out loud and and we don't cry our eyes out and we don't hold those who are in misery
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and and if somebody's funnier than us, we almost want to get competitive instead and just laugh our ever loving
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asses off because that's funny stuff, right? And so we temper we temper being all the way alive.
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And I I think that's kind of kind of got a crooked to it that's probably borderline insulting. If I was the
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creator, I would want to create something that said I'm going to be all the way alive because I get one kick at this ball.
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I think you're right. That's a little That's a little tiny perspective change you could wake up with every day. Yeah.
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And live. You know, it's kind of like living like it's your last day here.
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Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I Every day I wake up, I say, "Show me something today I've never seen before about you." That's That's what I roll out of bed
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saying. Show me something today I've never seen before. I love that.
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I have absolutely loved this conversation. We We always are the beneficiaries of our conversations that people are willing to have with us.
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really like and you have already changed me, you know, I and I was going to ask you, you seem
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like the type of person who does live life to the fullest and then you start talking about it. It's it's remarkable.
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It's fun.
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See, that's the holding spirit saying, "Check this this kid out. She's trying to be all the way alive."
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And I like that you're calling I like that you're saying the holding spirit. I love that. I will not forget that.
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Yeah, that's how I also I'll share a secret with you know now it'll be forever on the internet.
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Um I have this little inkling that the Holy Spirit is spirit of a woman.
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Yeah, there's something there. There absolutely is some feminine connotation there. There's a flavor God gave his
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Holy Spirit that nurturing, that softness, that whisper, that feminine quality.
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Yeah.
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Yeah. And I'm not great at feminine qualities, but I do love over in Corinthians where he tells the guys, "Hey, if you want to know, God is talking and he says, if you want to know
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what I'm thinking, you're going to have to ask the Holy Spirit.
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Is someone calling you?
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No, there we go. I have gotten a ton of calls. I'm so sorry.
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People want you to make them laugh or want you want you to comfort them or ask them how they are or loan them money. Yeah. We do always love to end our podcast with a question.
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It is a golden nugget question. If you could give a piece of advice that would change someone's life for the better, what would it be?
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Um, it would be just like we were talking about be all the way alive.
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You're going to be okay and you're not dead yet. So, the bottom line is one out of one's going to get dead. But until that day shows up, if you're not dead
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today, then whatever is going to take you out didn't happen. So just sees literally seize the day.
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Look for every eyeball. Um when you see the guy standing on the corner at the traffic light, don't ignore him. Just,
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you know, either I buy a lot of their signs that say, "Uh, help me. Okay, I'll give you 20 bucks for your sign." So they feel like they're selling
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something. Um, and and if I if I think to myself, okay, um, why am I thinking about that person? Then I send them a
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text, I make a phone call. People don't make phone calls anymore, but I'm I'm I'm a geriatric, so I make phone calls.
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But be walk in a constant state of fascination.
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Fascinating is a choice. I can be mad. I can be sad. I can be apathetic. I can be disappointed. Or I can be fascinated by anything that that shows up.
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It's perfect. I love it. I have so very much enjoyed our conversation. Oh, potato. Thanks, kids.
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Okay. I hope that we can talk again. Okay. I loved it.
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You know where to find me, but I'm in a different time zone.
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Yes. And I can call you. I have your number. That's right. That's right.
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All right. You guys are gorgeous.
51 minutes
I can't believe I missed that. I don't know how I missed that you wrote a book.
51 minutes, 3 seconds
I'm gonna get it. I love to read. It's my favorite pastime. All right, Boldigum. All right, God bless you.
51 minutes, 10 seconds
All right, cheers, guys. Done.
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